Birthday Panic
by Saotome Kyuubi
Summary: Ranma's 17th birthday is coming up and so is Akane's... the problem being that he doesn't like birthdays. Now the fathers are scheming, Nodoka and Kasumi have joined forces and poor Ranma is supposed to go shopping for a present. Post series story... RA
1. How it all began?

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and all the characters, trademarks etc. belong to Rumiko Takahashi and to their other rightful owners. To sum it up: I don't own Ranma

"Spoken"

_-Thought-_

**Birthday Panic**

How it all began?

Saotome Ranma was brooding. It wasn't the 'My life sucks' kind of brooding, nor was it the 'I'm bored and want something to do' kind. Rather it was of the 'I've been through hell for nothing and I really, really want to hit something to relieve my stress' variety of brooding. He was, in fact, hoping that Ryoga would make his trademark 'Ranma! Prepare to DIE!' entrance giving him an excuse to beat the pigboy up... beat him up as in 'kick the living shit out of him and leave him hospitalized for a month.'

The frustration had started building about a week before he had his birthday…

-----

Ranma, feeling slightly hungry from his workout, tried to sneak into the kitchen to snatch a nice pre-dinner snack. The attempt was doomed to fail as his mother and Kasumi were both busying themselves in the making of the said dinner, but still he managed to cajole a little something from the eldest Tendo sister who knew Ranma's eating habits all too well. The event itself would have been rather unremarkable had Kasumi not inquired. "So Ranma-kun… your birthday is next Thursday and I was wondering if you had any preference as to what kind of a cake you would like."

This made Ranma's mother nod enthusiastically only to have that enthusiasm die a swift death when Ranma stiffened and his eyes turned flat. The pigtailed boy then stood still for a moment before saying "I don't want a birthday." and stuffing the remnants of his snack violently into his mouth. He was almost out of the door before he added a final "Last time I got a present it involved a pit and starving c-c-cats…" and stomped out of the door.

Nodoka noted that at the mention of cats Kasumi's features stiffened so she asked. "Does my son have a problem with cats Kasumi-chan?" The question went unanswered as Kasumi, while gathering her thoughts, resumed chopping vegetables in a rather violent manner that would have better suited the youngest of the Tendo daughters rather than the eldest. The Saotome matriarch certainly took note of this as she knew the Tendos well enough by now to know that Kasumi was not one to get upset over anything small and so she asked, in almost a frightened tone. "What has my husband done now?"

Finally the young woman calmed herself sufficiently to answer. "Oba-sama… it's… I knew about the Neko-ken training but I never realized that he would be so cruel as to give it as a present." Nodoka blinked at this but didn't have dwell on it when Kasumi gave her a tight smile before continuing. "The Neko-ken is an unstoppable martial arts technique…" She stopped when the older woman smiled happily. "A banned one… banned because it is flawed. If, and only if, you survive the training you will be forever mentally scarred by it. Ranma is a severe case of Nekophobia, and before you even dare to frown at that you have to understand the method itself."

Now Nodoka was certainly taken back, she hadn't even had the time to think about frowning before Kasumi had snapped at her… whatever this Neko-ken was it certainly had angered the usually gentle girl. She raised an eyebrow when Kasumi reached into the pantry and pulled out a large bag that had a plainly stencilled 'Bamboo' on it. The young woman smiled tightly and said "Uncle Saotome's dinner…" before explaining the Neko-ken. "You see Auntie… to train someone in the Neko-ken you need a pit of starving cats and then you toss the trainee, wrapped in fish, into the pit and repeat the process until he either dies or masters the Neko-ken."

There was a sad look in her eyes. "Ranma, he was eight or seven at the time, didn't quite die but… he is now so afraid of cats that even a small kitten can put him into a catatonic state, and if the source of the fear is not removed then his mind shatters, forcing him to turn into that which has frightened him. A clear case of 'He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster.' with the monster being the cat here. In other words Ranma slips into the Neko-ken when his fear of cats overwhelms him and as such he behaves as a cat would."

Nodoka was now visibly trembling, this was much worse than she had ever thought possible. Was the man responsible for such atrocity the same man she had married all those years ago? With a murderous look she tried to grasp the hilt of the Saotome honour blade that was usually on her back, only to find it missing as she had left it in Kasumi's room during her visit. With a cold voice she declared. "Excuse me Kasumi-chan but I believe I'm going to kill my husband now and see if there is anything I can do to help my son."

Kasumi just smiled while waving her hand slightly. "I wouldn't do that Oba-sama. I believe that killing Genma would only make the situation worse and as for Ranma… well I think he is relieving his stress as we speak." Nodoka looked curious and then smiled when Kasumi indicated that she should pay more attention to the sound coming from the Tendo backyard. Had she not known better she might have called the police and reported abuse of an endangered animal, namely a giant panda that was being pummelled and twisted into odd angles by a pigtailed boy.

With a slight smile she turned back to Kasumi, who was trying to look completely innocent while listening to the sounds of brutal physical beating, and said. "Even as it is Kasumi-chan I still think Ranma needs to see a real birthday celebration. And didn't you say that Akane-chan's birthday is coming up as well… maybe we could…" The rest of the conversation faded into the sounds of another dinner being prepared as the two women began to weave their plan.

-----

As it came to be then, was that Ranma was walking to school with Akane who was casting sidelong glances at her fiancé every now and then. Finally after a few minutes of walking she quietly said. "Well… err… Kasumi said you don't much care for birthdays but happy birthday anyway." Ranma only replied with a noncommittal grunt which caused her temper to flare. "Now look here you… it wouldn't hurt to acknowledge it when someone wishes you happy…"

Her voice faded away under the withering glare that Ranma shot her way. "So Kasumi told you huh? Then you should know that I don't like my birthday… Nothing like being reminded the day you were tossed into a pit full of cats so just drop it you stupid tomboy." Akane just blinked then blinked again, her anger washed away by the revelation. Finally after composing herself she didn't even rise to the tomboy jibe but rather hung her head and almost whispered a small "Sorry… I didn't know." which caused Ranma only grumble something under his breath and relax slightly.

Naturally though, Akane wasn't the only one who wanted to wish the pigtailed martial artist happy birthday and give, or in some cases force, him/her presents. Rather she was, along with her sisters and Ranma's mother, one of the few who simply let the matter be. The other fiancées, and Kodachi, made their appearance once or more during the day trying to curry Ranma's favour with gifts, food, roses and other assortment of knick-knacks. By the end of the day he was tired and frustrated from dodging his persistent admirers, being groped by Kuno whilst he was offering his birthday present to the 'Pig-tailed Goddess', two near escapes from paralysing gas and one from ramen laced with some weird Amazon concoction. Needless to say the panda got a rather severe beating that night and was unable to partake on dinner.

-----

Few days later Ranma was again reminded why he hated his birthday so much, although he still couldn't discern whether it was because his sucked, or because other people's didn't. This was when he was exercising in the back yard, only to be interrupted Kasumi who came to hang the laundry and quickly enlisted the said boy to helping.

While they were hanging the laundry to dry Kasumi commented. "You know Ranma-kun, Akane-chan's birthday is in two weeks." Seeing the sullen look on the boy's face she continued. "Now, Ranma-kun I know you've had some… bad experiences with birthdays but still I'm sure Akane would be delighted if she got even something small from you." She then flashed a benign smile at Ranma. "Just remember that it doesn't need to be anything fancy… and if you are completely out of ideas maybe you could visit this one shop I noticed when I was last out in the mall." With that she handed a slip of paper to Ranma, picked the empty laundry basket and left the yard… and the bewildered boy behind her.

Ranma, who was still trying to process what had happened and exactly why should he get her a present, was then rudely interrupted by the fathers who had hear the entire thing. They quickly cornered the boy with Soun's demon head technique allowing Genma, who had somehow managed to fast talk himself out of becoming a Panda-rug after his wife had learned about the Neko-ken, grab Ranma into the Cradle of Hell. After the young martial artists managed to escape from the terrible technique he was assaulted by Soun who grabbed him and yelled. "RANMA!"

There was a moment of silence while Ranma contemplated as to actually why the older man was yelling until the master of the 'Anything Goes' Tendo-ryu continued, eerily in unison with his counterpart from the Saotome-ryu. "We heard it all son… now don't worry we know all too well the problems one faces when trying to buy a gift for a woman. Fear not, for we will aid you… Rest well tonight and by tomorrow we'll have everything up to perfection." With that the two fathers quickly left, though they were seen quietly talking to the phone on an occasion.

Ranma, naturally after the proclamation of his father and his moronic counterpart, didn't sleep all too well. He wasn't ambushed by anything idiotic the next day though, rather the fathers waited until he came back from school and then in a stunning display of discretion summoned him to the dojo. Mr. Tendo was beaming and Genma was looking rather sullen as they grabbed Ranma and whispered in a conspiratorial tone "Now then Ranma… we solved all your problems so here." With that the two men pushed an envelope into his hands and quickly left to play yet another game of Shogi. The boy, left to his own devices, opened the envelope and almost fainted at the amount of yen stuffed into it… although it did explain why his father had been looking so forlorn.

-----

And so here he was, brooding on top of a utility pole, the shop the fathers had suggested had been, no surprise there, a jewellery shop. What had surprised the youth was the fact that he recognized the owner, as he had some months earlier scattered a band of thugs trying to mug her grandson. The owner had been more than happy to see him and had again renewed her promise of giving him a good discount on whatever pieces he needed. Luckily she was also an understanding person and didn't try to push the issue of a pair of engagement rings that had been phone ordered by one Tendo Soun, but had rather suggested, after hearing the whole story, that he try and window shop for some suitable gift for his fiancée.

Ranma, being himself and as such averse to anything remotely related to shopping, had thanked the old lady for the idea, promised to see her if he needed any jewellery and then decided to just try and think something up. And he had tried, for a full week he had tried, to a point where his brain actually hurt from overexertion. If Akane were a normal girl it would be easy, girls liked girly stuff right… problem was that Akane might see that as an affront to her being a martial artist. And he couldn't quite get her a new training outfit or something like that as that would be probably seen as an affront to her being feminine, not that the uncute, sexless, and unfeminine tomboy remarks helped. And all that aside, he couldn't get anything that might be, even remotely, seen as a 'romantic' gift as that would hail another instant wedding from the idiot fathers.

And so he had, finally as the deadline began to draw near, taken in the old lady's advice and gone window shopping, an three hour ordeal he vowed to himself never to willingly repeat. Oh how he hoped the pig-boy would make an appearance, he would break his arms and legs and then ditch him to the hospital from which he wouldn't find his way out in a week even if he was in full health. Maybe he could kick the bacon breath a few times in the groin too, it wasn't like he didn't deserve it… the bastard.

His imaginary, and very brutal, handling of a certain rival was interrupted by a loud squeal of "KAWAII!" from the street below. Ranma blinked, having recognized the sound of Akane's voice… and sure enough there she was, with her friends and busy sticking her face against a shop window. Ranma, feeling intrigued, waited for the girls to pass and hopped down to inspect the display. There was almost audible snap as pieces fell into place and in a flash the boy took to the roofs to speed towards the Ono bone-setting clinic for a quick meeting with the good doctor.

After a brief meeting with Dr. Tofu, a discussion about allergies and a splash in a conveniently placed fountain Ranma-chan, wearing 'her' cutest cutesy smile, entered the pet store he'd seen Akane standing next to… and within seconds he had the sales clerk wrapped around his finger. Ranma then moved towards the litter of puppies he'd noted earlier and said with a buttered voice. "Those puppies look so kawaii... What kind are they?"

The salesperson, who went a little weak in the knees when Ranma batted 'her' eyelashes, launched into a sales speech. "Those, young miss, are Brittanys. A French breed that's very rare here in Japan. They are friendly, energetic and very playful… a fine choice for a pet and very good for hunting."

At this Ranma interrupted in a rather sarcastic tone. "Oh yeah right… hunting. I'll just whip out my shotgun from the broom closet where it's stored next to the machine gun and bazooka I have for home defence purposes… what with the gun laws here being as lax as they are."

The salesperson, his name tag read Kensuke, managed to look rather sheepish at that. "Actually, I think someone had the bright idea of trying to sell these to the upper class so they could hunt with bow and arrow and relive the Samurai experience or some such." He then picked one of the puppies and handed it to Ranma for closer inspection. "The idea didn't take wind but still these little guys are coming rather popular. As I said they make excellent pets as they are friendly and generally like people, not to mention that they are small enough that you can keep one even if you live in the city."

Ranma peered at the little bundle of brown and white fur that was curious about his breath and trying to discern exactly where the warm gusts of air came from. He smiled at the pup that had given up its quest and had instead snuggled deep into his impressive bosom, and nearly causing Kensuke to suffer an embarrassing nosebleed. Noting the perverted look on his face the redhead batted her eyelashes few more times before saying. "I'll take him… but could you pleaaaaaaase hold him for a week as he's going to be a present for a friend of mine."

Kensuke was powerless against the cutesy look and quickly agreed to hold the pup until next Sunday and even showed a variety of accessories necessary to raise a pup. He even suggested few books for training, commented that Brittanys were considered easy to train and even went as far as giving Ranma an address of a vet who had been recommended by his customers. Still even that, coupled with a hefty discount, didn't get him a date with the hot redhead but probably insured that 'she' would be coming over for all her pet needs… and maybe her friend would be just as hot as she was.

The pigtailed boy, he had stopped by a café to get some hot water, was feeling content. The dog hadn't been cheap, even with the discount, but then the fathers had been generous with the money and they hadn't specifically told him to buy the rings so they couldn't bitch about that too much. He was almost out of the shopping district when he spied a store that sold Chinese style clothing and recognized the address as the one Kasumi had given him. His curiosity peaked and Ranma entered the store… he could use a few new threads anyway.

A/N:

I didn't do any research to the specifics of the Japanese gun laws but I do remember reading somewhere that they are pretty strict.

I used Nekophobia instead of Ailurophobia since more people will probably recognize that as the fear of cats J

'He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster.' is a quote from Friedrich Nietzsche's 'Beyond Good and Evil'

Brittany is an actual dog breed, I should know since I have one curled right next to me while writing these words. Kensuke the salesperson wasn't kidding when he said they are friendly, energetic and all that. So if you are out looking for a dog that's good as a pet and for company check out Brittanys! (Yes I know it's a shameless promotion but hey what gives?)


	2. The birthday

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and all the characters, trademarks etc. belong to Rumiko Takahashi and to their other rightful owners. To sum it up: I don't own Ranma

"Spoken"

_-Thought-_

**Birthday Panic**

The birthday

Akane huffed at the boy who was walking on the fence, Ranma had been insufferably happy the whole week with no apparent reason… or one that he felt like sharing anyway. She wanted to maul the boy because her own day had been definitely bad with Kuno hounding him, proclaiming his love and swearing to free her from the vile clutches of her enslaver. Not to mention the tacky gifts the self proclaimed Samurai legend had given her as proofs of his love and all that. Akane shuddered, what kind of an insane psychopath would give a statue of himself to someone so they could 'lovingly embrace the image of his manly bosom' or some such.

The current object of her ire was blissfully unaware what was going through the mind of his fiancée and was actually just short of humming out loud. The fathers hadn't pestered him after he he'd told them that he'd gotten a 'little something' for Akane, from which the duo drew a conclusion that he'd bought the rings… Ranma didn't bother to correct them. He had been busy reading a training manual for dogs and had done a few internet searches to see if there were any neat martial arts moves that could be taught to animals, an idea he'd gotten from reading manga about Ninjas that had a clan who specialized into using dogs in combat.

Things were really looking up for him, even if just once. It had been a stroke of luck that he'd seen Akane adoring the puppies and certainly getting her a dog was a good idea. For one it would, when fully grown and properly trained, keep cats off the premises and hopefully curb Shampoo's habit of sneaking into his bath in cat form. And housebreaking the pup would hopefully even out Akane's temper ever so slightly. Not to mention that she would certainly take the dog into bed with her driving 'P-chan' into insane jealousy and hopefully get him tossed out from the room. Ranma snickered a little as he imagined Ryoga's reaction. _-"Ranma! This is all your fault, prepare to die!" Hah… this time it really is my fault. Maybe he'll get so mad that he'll blow his own cover by screaming something like "You got me tossed out from Akane's bed!" or something.-_

He nearly lost his balance when Akane hit the fence with her schoolbag before growling. "Just what are you so damn happy about? Have a new fiancée somewhere or what?" The boy just jumped down from the fence and patted Akane's cheek before saying "There, there... you will find soon enough." and hopping back up to the fence leaving Akane effectively stunned. Whistling tunelessly Ranma took a few steps, jumped back to the ground with a back flip and asked. "You coming, or are you going to stand there like an idiot?" That shook Akane from her shock and with a yell she began to chase her fiancé… the chase didn't end until they arrived at the Tendo house, at which point the dark haired girl had already forgotten why she was chasing Ranma in the first place.

-----

The next morning Ranma noticed something odd, he hadn't been ousted from bed by his father. Reason for this became apparent as he made his way downstairs to find that a stout pole had been hammered into the yard and a forlorn looking panda had been chained to the pole. The pigtailed boy burst out laughing at the sight, completely ignoring the waving signs that said 'Help!' and 'Ingrate son!'. Akane, who came to inspect the cause for such bellowing laughter, couldn't help but join in the laughing… much to Genma's dismay.

During breakfast Akane was getting somewhat jittery, no one mentioned her birthday but it was obvious to everyone that she really wanted Ranma to wish her happy birthday… well obvious to everyone other than the said boy who was busy stuffing his face and throwing bamboo stalks at his father who was growled angrily as he saw the 'ingrate son' feasting while he had only bamboo to chew. Ranma, finally, noticed that something was wrong with Akane and looked up from his rice bowl making the young girl ask out. "Ranma… do you know what day today is?"

The black haired boy blinked and said "Sunday?" before again focusing on his rice, mostly to hide his smile from seeing the stunned look on Akane's face. After a few mouthfuls of rice he added. "Lessee it's the 21st, there is a hockey tournament of sorts going aaand… umm it's a nice day?" Nabiki smirked at that, she smelled yen to be made by selling information about the day to Ranma… or maybe not as the said boy added. "And happy birthday by the way… though I still don't get what the big deal is."

Akane beamed and Nabiki, who felt cheated because out of her yen, decided to tease them slightly. She tapped her chin and thoughtfully said. "Soo… Ranma-kun… I take it you got your fiancée something really nice for a present." She almost fell down face first when Ranma didn't blush, stutter denials or launch into his 'uncute tomboy' speech. Instead the boy just smiled and said "Maybe…" before continuing to stuff his face.

-----

Several hours later Ranma-chan was roof hopping with a small bundle in his hands and a huge bag of puppy food, along with other necessary things like chewtoys, water bowls and all that stuffed into the large backpack he was carrying. He was in a good mood since the pup seemed to be enjoying the high route he had taken… There were other things too, like say the fact that Ryoga was not likely to find his way back since 'P-chan' had gotten lost only yesterday when he'd heard that Akane's birthday was coming up. Ranma snickered silently as he talked to the bundle in his arms. "You grow up and I'll teach you to hunt pigs…" A small "Woof" came from the bundle almost as if the dog had understood him.

When Kasumi called for lunch, which would also double as Akane's birthday meal, Ranma was putting finishing touches on his purchase. The puppy had initially objected against the gift wrapping but had, after some chiding from Ranma, accepted the inevitable and gotten a red ribbon tied around its waist. Looking at his handiwork the boy then said "Stay." before slipping into the Umi-sen-ken and going about to see if Akane was already downstairs. He came back momentarily and just in time to stop the pup from destroying the ribbon. With a snicker he picked the thing up and said "Well little guy, it's time you get to meet your owner."

They certainly made an entrance… first Ranma entered the room and turned at the door and said "Come on…" only to say that again after taking few steps into the room and making everyone wonder who he was talking to. When the puppy ambled into view Akane wasn't the only one to squeal "Kawaii". Ranma just played with his pigtail for a moment before nudging the dog towards Akane and saying "Go on you… you know you are just itching for a good petting.". He then stopped playing with his hair and said somewhat lamely. "Err happy birthday and such…"

There was a moment of stunned silence after which Ranma was subjected to a hundred and one questions regarding the puppy and whatnot. These questions were overshadowed by Soun who began to yell "Aaaah Ranma-kun… where are the rings… the rings!" Any answer was drowned in another wail. "Waaaah… my baby girl didn't get an engagement ring from her fiancé… the plan didn't work… WAAAAH!" With that he grabbed a nearby sake bottle and retreated to lament the failure of another plan and loss of the yen involved… soon enough he was sobbing drunkenly with a chained panda that seemed to be drinking sake as well.

Back inside, Ranma was trying to avoid the subject of rings and such without much success. Finally he almost growled "Those two heard Kasumi tell me about Akane's birthday so they promised to 'help' me pick a good present… And surprise, surprise they set me up with this jewellery store and everything. Luckily I knew the owner so she didn't flip out or anything when I told her I wasn't going to buy Akane any ring just yet."

Ranma went on about how he'd stopped a mugging of the owner's grandson until he noticed that both his mother and Kasumi were smiling… beaming actually, and Nabiki had a sly look on her face. He blinked as his voice faltered and Nabiki took the opportunity to jibe him. "Soo… Ranma-kun…" The boy began to grow nervous at that, whenever Nabiki used the 'kun' suffix it meant that she was up to something. He nearly swallowed his tongue when his prospective sister-in-law continued. "So you are going to get Akane a ring later then hmmm?"

His bewildered "Wha… What?" were answered with Nabiki's cool "Well Ranma-kun you said, and I quote 'I told her I wasn't going to buy Akane any ring just yet'". The pigtailed boy quickly whipped his head around towards Akane, as if expecting to be brutally mutilated. He wasn't, as the girl in question was currently sporting an unhealthy shade of crimson and was finding the puppy's furry head very interesting.

Any denials from his part were shot down when Nabiki pulled a recorder from her pocket and showed it to the boy who then sat down in a huff and tried one more time with a lame "I'm not getting married…" which caused a slight frown on his mother's face. Seeing this, the boy quickly added a quiet. "We're… uh I'm too young anyway."

Luckily Kasumi came to the rescue, before the teasing would force either of the teenagers to lash out at the other, as she chirped her agreement to what Ranma had said about them being too young and then started to serve the feast. It didn't take long for the awkwardness to pass, Ranma for one wasn't known to be shy when there was food to be had and Akane was distracted soon enough by the puppy that had taken residence in her lap.

As the meal progressed Nabiki suddenly asked. "So what's his name?" To which the boy only shrugged and turned to look at Akane expectantly. She blushed slightly at the sudden scrutiny of everyone in the table while trying to muster her thoughts… suddenly se brightened and said. "D-chan!" Everyone sweat dropped, with the notable exception of Ranma who only snickered and then quickly explained when Akane's facial features darkened.

"Well… it's kind of fitting I suppose. He really has a name already, for the official registry, competitions and all that. Anyway his full and official name is David Douillet… you know since he is of a French breed and from the fourth patch of puppies from his mother so the guy said it should be a name that starts with D and err… that Douillet guy is a Frenchman who won the heavyweight Olympic gold in Judo twice." All the Tendo sisters rolled their eyes at this… how typical Ranma, always about the martial arts.

The next thing that came up was when Kasumi asked. "Oh my… what does D-chan eat? Should I prepare something special?" Ranma just smacked his forehead before looking at D-chan apologetically before saying. "Jeez sorry buddy… You must be pretty steamed from watching us all eat and all that. Let me just go grab your chow from upstairs ok?" With that he dashed upstairs and returned momentarily with the backpack that held all the stuff he'd gotten for the puppy.

Soon enough D-chan was happily munching away at his puppy food while the others were discussing training the puppy and whatever else, with Nabiki being curious about competitions and such and Akane giddy at the prospect of having company on her morning runs. What happened was only natural as Ranma was just saying "So the first thing we need to do is housebreak him…" only to have a rag handed to him as Kasumi silently pointed at the small puddle that had formed between the animal's legs. Ranma frowned and then handed the rag to Akane who tossed it back as the two began to argue who should clean after the puppy.

The three other women present just exchanged glances as they listened to the almost playful argument, so unlike their usual ones that ended with Ranma being pounded, Akane in tears or both. Nabiki couldn't resist poking a little more fun and slyly commented "Oh the joys of parenthood…" before snickering audibly as Akane went beet red and Ranma wordlessly began to clean up the mess while grumbling something about 'money grubbing mercenaries' under his breath.

Still, there were no fathers yelling about the union of the houses as one of them was currently chained into the backyard with the other already deep into his second bottle of sake and too busy scheming with the drunken panda. As such neither of the teenagers felt the need to start a fight to deny everything as there was no threat of instant wedding looming over them.

Soon after Ranma had cleaned up the leakage from the floor he was more than surprised when Kasumi slammed a large cake that said 'Happy Birthday Akane & Ranma' to the table. He glanced around the table accusingly until his eyes caught Akane who just smiled sheepishly and said "Surprise!" before nodding towards her eldest sister and Nodoka as if to indicate that it was their idea. Ranma tensed, expecting a horde of cats to come tearing out of nowhere and unconsciously crept closer to the newly purchased cat repelling unit, and as such also closer to Akane.

Three older females present snickered slightly at him but let it slide because of the occasion, although Nabiki was tempted to take pictures. Soon enough Ranma began to relax as no cats were to be seen and actually managed to enjoy the cake… not to mention the gifts afterwards.

As for Akane… she got, in addition to D-chan, a book labelled 'Cooking in 10 E-Z steps' from Nabiki. A finely crafted bokken and a book labelled 'Advanced Kenjutsu' from Nodoka, the book also had a short message that said 'To help you keep Ranma in line'. Akane giggled slightly at the message and flashed Nodoka a happy smile while showing the message to her sisters who also giggled and cast a few mischievous glances at the, now wary, boy. Other than that she got a new dress from Kasumi and, much to her ire, a set of maternity clothes from her father.

Ranma on the other hand received a book from his mother, this one labelled as 'How to teach martial arts efficiently' and had a hand written suggestion on the first page that he use test out the book on a single subject… the implication was clear even to Ranma. He also got a new set of clothes from Kasumi, incidentally they matched the dress Akane had gotten… another clear implication that made Ranma think rather unkind things about certain busybodies.

There was also a thick envelope from Nabiki, who smirked while handling it and promised not to sell anyone the recording she'd gotten earlier… she also added that the gift was really for both of them and that if they needed any further help they would have to pay for it. This made both Akane and Ranma rather curious as to the contents of the envelope which turned to be a business plan for the dojo with class schedules, advertising and bookkeeping all neatly listed… even better, the plan had been made specifically for them as all the classes were either in the morning, evening or on weekends.

The boy snickered as he saw the advertisements, Nabiki had really outdone herself with the photoeditor, as the adds featured both of his forms and Akane all doing various martial art exercises. He then smirked as he noticed something else too. With a smile he handed the papers to Akane while asking. "So you got an A+ from that huh? Must mean that it'll work… thanks Nabiki." The notion was chorused by Akane who quickly browsed through the plan before giving her own gift, another envelope, to Ranma who eagerly opened it.

He peered into the envelope, then at Akane and finally cast a sidelong glance at Kasumi and his mother before saying. "I'm going to scream if you whip out flags and fans and start to yell about joining the houses." Kasumi had the dignity to blush while Nodoka simply tried to look innocent as Ranma picked out another envelope from his pocket before handing it to Akane while saying. "Guess what's in there… A gift coupon for a certain clothing shop since I didn't know your size." Akane too cast a disbelieving glance at her eldest sister while Nabiki grinned like madman at the blushing Kasumi.

-----

It was around midnight and Ranma was rather nervous as he snuck into his fiancée's bedroom. He wasn't there to do anything perverted but explanation regarding that would probably fall on deaf ears should he be caught. He was there, in fact, to make sure D-chan was still alive and well as Akane tended to be rather 'active' during her sleep. Surprisingly she was sleeping peacefully with the puppy curled up in a ball on the pillow next to her, which was both good and bad. Good since it was unlikely that she would squish the poor animal in her sleep if it was on the pillow and bad as D-chan had noticed Ranma and had began wagging its tail, effectively whipping Akane's face with it and as a result waking the girl.

Ranma made a small 'Urk' sound when he noted that Akane was waking up, a sound that put her instincts on alert and in a flash she had brought her brand new bokken to bear. Ranma was backing away from the now alert girl while stuttering something incomprehensible as Akane all but growled. "Ranmaaaaa… you have less than five seconds to explain why you are in my bedroom in the middle of the night."

Ranma continued to stutter something about not being a hentai until he was saved by D-chan who let out a small "Woof" that helped the boy to regain his wits. He pointed at the dog and said. "I ah… came to… see if the dog was awake so it won't wet your bed or anything!" So engrossed was he on patting himself on the back for making up such a believable excuse that he nearly missed Akane handing him the pup and ushering him, at the bokken point, out of the door and to the yard where the dog quickly scampered around to find a suitable spot to relieve itself.

Akane watched as the dog went around the yard sniffing about and then poked her fiancé with the bokken and growled. "Now then… the real reason you were sneaking around in my room. I thought your mother had laid the manliness issue to rest so you wouldn't have to cling to me when she's visiting or anything."

The boy, while eyeing the wooden weapon nervously, chuckled slightly. "Eh… it's not that… honestly and I wasn't there to do anything perverted either!" The last part was supposed to come out defiantly but it sounded more like a plea as Ranma tried to distance himself from the blunt object that could at anytime crush into his skull. "Seriously I really came to check on D-chan because… well… remember that time when Happosai poked your sleep points and you spent the night on the roof? You totally trashed him in your sleep so I figured I'd check on the dog to see if it was still all right."

The girl narrowed her eyes, obviously debating whether to believe him or pound him flat with the bokken. Then her eyes wandered over to the puppy that was obviously enjoying itself on the yard causing her to relent. With a huff she shouldered her weapon and said "Fine baka… I'll believe you just this once because it might have been a good idea to bring the dog out… consider it another birthday present. But if I ever catch you sneaking in my room again I won't be as… lenient" The boy gulped at this as she continued. "Anyway it might be good idea to bring D-chan out once every night until he's housebroken and since you so enjoy lurking about in the dark you might as well wake us up every night after midnight for a quick… outing. And if I catch you even thinking about anything remotely perverted…" The rest of the threat faded into nothingness as she hefted the bokken slightly implying that results would be painful causing Ranma to grimace and curse his own softheartedness that had made him check if the damn mutt was still alive.

A/N:

David Douillet won the Olympic heavyweight gold medals in Judo at the Olympic games of 1996 and 2000


	3. The aftermath

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and all the characters, trademarks etc. belong to Rumiko Takahashi and to their other rightful owners. To sum it up: I don't own Ranma

"Spoken"

_-Thought-_

**Birthday Panic**

The aftermath

Ranma-chan was sitting on top of a stone lantern and watching as D-chan scampered about the yard on his nightly 'toilet' trip. It had been two days since the birthday and D-chan had quickly adjusted to the daily life at the Tendo dojo. He was in overall good mood despite the sudden Nerima rain that had triggered his curse as he listened Akane giggling at the antics of her new pet. The only argument they had had over the two days was about taking the dog out as Akane had refused to let Ranma just grab the puppy from her room for its nightly outing session stating that "He's my dog and I should be the one to take him out!" to which Ranma had replied with a grunt and stated that he would be more than happy to remind her about those words on the coming fall and accompanying rains and all that. His fiancée had then pulled a low blow and batted her eyelashes before saying in a sugary voice. "Well… it's so good that I have a strong and manly fiancé who will do anything to spare me from such ordeals." Ranma had then grumbled something about uncute tomboys and the unfairness of life in general before quickly fleeing the scene with the said tomboy in hot pursuit.

The other thing was that they were generally left alone during these nightly sessions in the yard. During the day when they were walking D-chan there would be the usual pests, forcing them to practically toss the poor dog from one person to another so that the puppy would not get into the line of fire, but, as it was they were mostly left alone during the night. Somehow being unobserved also brought out a odd feeling of shyness as neither really spoke much, and if they did they stuck to safe subjects like martial arts tournaments, school and possible competitions they could participate with D-chan.

After a few weeks Akane finally asked a question that had been bugging her for some time. "Ranma… why did you get me two presents? I mean D-chan was enough so why the coupon for the clothing store?"

Ranma, again perched on the stone lantern, thought about it a moment before answering. "Well… I really didn't pay for D-chan myself so… And I mean I'll benefit more from him than you do anyway as he'll keep c-cats away when he grows up."

Akane blushed at this before she managed to ask. "Um… does that mean that you'll be staying around? I mean your parents house is all fixed up now and I…" Her voice faded away as Ranma came tumbling down from his high seat, eliciting a small giggle from her.

Ranma on the other hand was far from amused, he was, to say the least, shocked. Finally, gathering his wits he managed to stutter out something that resembled "Maybe… if you don't mind." causing the girl gasp slightly before nodding demurely.

Slamming a silent high-five two figures retreated back from the window they had been pressed against. The other figure whispered "Finally" while the other nodded. Then it continued "So maybe now I can sleep whole night again… seriously sis I don't think you should be so concerned about those two doing anything indecent even if they sneak out every night." The other figure, Kasumi, frowned slightly making the other, Nabiki, grin. "Come on… they've been engaged for almost a year and at the rate they are going I'll be lucky if I can catch them sharing their first kiss at the prom… the earliest. Anyway if you want to chaperone them then feel free but can I please go back to bed already, besides now you can get auntie to drag uncle Saotome away so we have one less bottomless pit at the table every day."

-----

Few days later Genma was indeed dragged away by Nodoka who simply informed the Tendos and Ranma that she would be taking her husband home. She also informed Ranma that he could stay with the Tendo's if he wished, that he should think it over and if he chose to stay that wouldn't bring around another forced wedding. Both Ranma and Akane simultaneously blinked at this, looked at each other and then busied themselves looking everywhere else except each other. Genma's loud proclamation of "Of course he will stay with his fiancée, won't you boy?" was only responded by a partial unsheathing of a certain katana that quickly shut the bald man up.

D-chan grew quickly and its housetraining had proceeded to the point where Ranma almost never had to clean up after the dog. There were other issues such as teething that caused several small mishaps, especially when Nabiki's new dress shoes were found viciously masticated. Of course a quick check actually confirmed that they were Akane's dress shoes that had been 'borrowed' by the elder sister.

It was a rather glum day when Ryoga finally found Nerima after a month of wandering around. He still held a wilted bouquet of flowers and a rather banged up gift box in his arms while cursing Ranma out loud, even louder when the martial artist in question hopped from the fence he'd been walking on and squatted on the lost boy's head. This drove him mad and a fight ensued during which Ryoga got his ass handed to him by a grinning Ranma who, at the end of the battle, said "You know P-chan… I've had a good month. I only had trouble with the amazons twice, Kuno only once outside of school and his batty sister didn't show up at all because she is somewhere in a tournament or something. I'd like to keep it that way so P-chan better not show up… there might be nasty consequences."

The lost boy didn't quite heed this warning and managed to find his way to the Tendo home only two days later… and Akane's room only several hours after midnight. He was cold, tired and very hungry since he'd been wandering around the compound since before lunch and as such was in a very irritable mood. Still it didn't quite explain why he let out a furious "BWEEE!" which could have been translated as "Ranma! I'll kill you for this…" before launching himself at the bundle of fur that had invaded his private space in Akane's bed.

It might be that Ryoga thought Ranma had gotten himself splashed from the spring of the drowned puppy, or that he had some instant powder for the same thing. But it was clear in his mind that this certainly was Ranma's doing… unfortunately he didn't quite evaluate the consequences of his actions far enough, after all Ranma always got the blame when he bit him, why wouldn't the mutt do the same.

The yelp from D-chan as his predecessor bit him on the butt was enough to wake even Ranma and it certainly woke up Akane who instantly noticed P-chan trying to get another bite from the wailing puppy and quickly slapped the pig before cradling the small dog and trying to sooth its pain. Soon enough Ranma barrelled through the door, prepared to fight whatever it was that had attacked Akane. He quickly took stock of the situation and pointed at the pig that was now chomping his arm before saying. "So… widdle and so nice P-chan showed his true colours huh? How many times do I have to tell you I only hit it after the damn pork bites me! And now it even bites poor D-chan."

Ryoga suddenly stopped fighting when several things clicked, Akane had a dog, he'd just bitten the dog and Ranma was obviously at fault here. Still it didn't mean that he couldn't worm his way back into the bed, after all he was the adorable P-chan. He nodded enthusiastically as Akane was trying to defend her previous pet saying that he probably had just been jealous and surely P-chan would understand. Yes… he would understand and after all he didn't mind sharing the bed with a dumb animal, as long as Ranma stayed the hell away from the room.

Problem was that D-chan wasn't quite as willing on the sharing and he let it show by growling angrily at P-chan who quickly forgot to behave and growled back. Ranma smirked at the dog and said. "Well looks like I'll have to take D-chan for the night, I don't think he could sleep too well if the pork is in the same room."

P-chan almost squealed in delight only to let out an outraged "Bwee!" when Akane sternly said "No… It's P-chan's fault that he bit poor D-chan… and he has to learn his lesson. Maybe I've been too lax in disciplining him in the past. Maybe he is a bit aggressive and I've just let it slip." The bandanna adorned piglet tried to look innocent, which was hard as he was busy gnawing Ranma's leg because he was again obviously playing the sweet and innocent Akane and sabotaging their love.

Ranma shook the piglet off his leg, grabbed it by the bandanna and said. "You know Akane, I read that gelding overly aggressive animals sometimes helps to calm them down." He smiled sadistically, although that was an inward smile, as the piglet went rigid in his hands. "Maybe we should ask the vet about it when we take D-chan to get his vaccination." Ryoga was now sweating bullets, and nearly had a heart attack when Akane didn't outright yell at his rival for trying to get him under a surgeon's knife. So shocked he was that he didn't even register them leaving Akane's room or the foot that punted him to the skies… he only came to in time to let out a terrified "BWEEE!" before landing face first in a trashcan that was located in a park, somewhere in Nerima.

It took him another three days to find his way out of the park and back to the Tendo's. He stopped to survey the situation from the top of the fence and seeing Ranma playing on the yard with the dog decided to hop in, beat Ranma and prove to Akane that he was better with dogs anyway. He had a dog of his own after all. Problem was that D-chan had gotten a good sniff off him that night and hadn't quite forgotten the smell of his assailant and as such backed away from Ryoga and between Ranma's legs. The pigtailed boy smiled evilly at Ryoga before saying. "My Ryoga… from way D-chan here acts one might even think that you bit him or something."

Ryoga saw red and bellowed. "How dare you force Akane to sleep with something like that and throw me out from her room… and then you even dared to suggest that she have me neutered. You stepped over the line Ranma and I'm going to kill you once and for all."

Ranma just shrugged, scratched D-chan soothingly and pointed behind Ryoga and said. "I think P-chan… that if you are only neutered you will be lucky." There, behind the lost boy, were all three Tendo sisters who all stared at Ryoga in equal shock… shock that quickly turned into rather seething anger as they, almost simultaneously, came to the same conclusion… Kasumi then stomped to the kitchen only to quickly return armed with a glass of water and a teakettle. After several splashes of water she quietly handed Akane a sturdy wooden mallet.

Ranma watched the brutal beating that followed calmly, while holding the puppy close. He knew that his turn was next but still took some contentment in the knowledge that Ryoga was finished and probably wouldn't be welcomed back. After the unfortunate lost boy was punted over the horizon there was a moment of silence during which Akane got a better grip from her mallet and the elder sisters calmed themselves slightly. A silent "You knew?" was directed towards him.

Ranma nodded and said. "Of course, I did drop all those hints you know. I just happened to swear a warriors oath not to reveal his curse to anyone. Then he became your pet… and well he did follow me to Jusenkyo after he missed the fight and said that he'd been knocked into the pool by a redhead girl who was chasing a panda so I suppose I felt like I owed him something. I really tried to stop him from doing anything indecent though… that's one of the reasons I got you the dog. In hopes that it would drive him mad enough to do something stupid." He gave D-chan a last pat and put the puppy aside, stood up and said. "Well I'm ready for my beating now, then I'll just pack my bags and leav…"

He didn't quite get to finish as the wooden mallet flattened him to the ground. Akane then picked him up from his pigtail and all but screamed at the swirly eyed boy. "Saotome Ranma don't you dare to try and run away. I'm going to the dojo to break a ton of bricks… then I'm going to beat you to an inch of your life, then we're going to have a long talk in where you explain how, when, where and who. Then I'm going to beat the living crap out of you again and then you can start thinking for a way to make this up for me." She then shook the boy some more. "And if you even try to run away then I'll make sure you'd wish I'd kill you. Do understand me?" She shook him again, harder. "DO YOU?"

When Ranma finally managed to groan out "Yes." he was unceremoniously dumped on the ground as Akane left to change for her gi. The problem was that there were two more Tendo sisters who didn't vent their frustration by breaking things and as such he was accosted by two very scary looking girls who loomed over him and demanded the whole story.

-----

In the end Ranma got off easy, Nabiki glared at him for a month but that was mostly because she had no clue as to Ryoga's double personality. Akane, luckily, forgave Ranma rather quickly after she'd beaten the explanation out of him and made him swear and oath that he'd never keep anything like this from her again… And as for Kasumi, she was a forgiving person although the tongue lashing Ranma got from her was far more scathing than any beating from Akane had ever been. Still, most of the anger was directed elsewhere… Ryoga bore the brunt of it as he was actually slapped by Kasumi when he showed up the next time and told to get lost. When he tried to blame Ranma the lost boy found himself splashed and subjected to eerily demonic looking Kasumi who swore that he'd lose something very valuable next time he came over to pick a fight with her sister's fiancée.

Even more disappointing to the Tendo's was the fact that their father, along with Genma, had known. Ranma had an excuse for not telling, as foolish as it was, but their fathers were completely different story. They were both tossed out from their respective homes and told not to come back until they had realized the error of their ways and were prepared to make amends.

D-chan grew up rapidly and only three weeks after succeeding his predecessor as the official household pet he had his first skirmish with Shampoo-neko. Ranma had trained the puppy well as he had played on its hunting instincts with a strip of cat fur that he'd acquired and as he had tried to make sure D-chan would chase off any cats from the premises. Shampoo was quickly driven into a nearby tree as she tried to sneak into the house to demand that Ranma date her…

She then tried to befriend the dog, thinking that it would help her standing with Ranma, which had taken a severe blow in the aftermath of the failed wedding. Her problem was the same that Ryoga had faced, her scent didn't change even if her form did and as such she had little luck trying to befriend the animal. And when she got frustrated and handled the poor thing rather harshly she was told to leave by the very boy she was there to see.

-----

Year went by, Nabiki began preparations to attend university, Akane and Ranma began to prepare for their final year in high school and D-chan grew up, chewed up a few more shoes while growing and all that.

There were other incidents such as Amazon plots, insanity cooked up by the Kunos and occasionally Ukyo who didn't quite want to give up on her 'Ran-chan' just yet. All in all the arrival of D-chan hadn't much disrupted the normal life of Nerima… with the exception that occasionally an early morning riser could see a brown and white dog running on the street followed by two figures in matching Chinese style outfits running on fences and other odd surfaces. Or occasionally someone would see the same two figures walking with the same brown and white dog in the darkness of the late evenings, sometimes even hand in hand.

Also the Anything-Goes Dojo had been opened and proved to be a great success among Furinkan high school students, who saw more weird martial arts action than most, and proved to be a reliable source of pocket money for the two teenagers who gave classes on evenings and weekends. In Akane's case the money went mostly to dog food as it had became a running joke that D-chan probably had Saotome genes… he could eat almost as much, and as fast, as Ranma. And in the boy's case… where the money went only he knew but there was definitely something smug about him the whole year.

It was Akane's birthday again when Ranma rose from the breakfast table and tossed a small box at his fiancée saying "Happy birthday, I know it's tacky and all but still… maybe if you behave I'll give you something else. And hey we're old enough now right?" before grabbing her head, planting a quick kiss on her lips and racing out of the room before a chorus of voices yelled out.

"Oh my."

"Hey! No fair I didn't get a picture of that."

"Oh joy! The houses will be joined!"

"Oh my manly son."

Followed by a loud. "RANMAAAAAAAHH! Get back here and put this damn thing in my finger! After him D-chan…!"

And finally an equally loud "WOOOF!"

A/N:

Well, there you have it. Something crazy I just cooked up. Seriously if you lived in a place that has apparently plenty of strays, have Nekophobia then a dog would be the best possible pet for you… if you are not allergic that is.

The story was probably inspired by the brown and white dog that is currently snoring on my pillow and err… drooling it seems. Oh joy :P

Anyway… if you read this far then thank you and please do put up a review, if for nothing else then just so that it will boost (or deflate) my Stardestroyer sized ego!


End file.
